Zan's Secret
by Love Of The Draconis
Summary: Set after Zan's death, she's the only clone without a double. Later X-Over with Dark Angel.


Title: Zan's Secret.

Author: Me.

Fandom: Roswell.

Note: Set just after Zan's 'death'. The pairing's theme is What's Left Of Me by Nick Lachey.

...

_**Watch my life,**_

_**Pass me by,**_

_**In the rear view mirror**_

She screamed, throwing things left and right. She trusted them and they...they killed him. She sat in the middle of the mess, crying, sobbing.

(_flashback)_

"_What are ya broodin' about?"_

_She looked up to see Zan leaning against the door frame. His black/brown hair was shaggy and tousled, like he just rolled out of bed. Knowing him, he probably did._

(end flashback)

_**Pictures frozen in time**_

_**Are becoming clearer**_

She leaned on the same door frame that Zan had not even 24 hours before. She stood in the exact same pose, a 'brooding' look passing over her face.

(_flashback)_

_She cocked her head and stared Zan in the eye. He raised a brow at her for a brief moment before he sighed and shook his head. He walked into the room and sat down right in front of her._

"_Somethin' is botherin' ya," He said softly._

_She knew that something was coming, that Rath and Lonnie were planning something. And she had the eeriest feeling that she would feel it when it happened, she just knew it._

"_Something is coming," She answered in her normal dreamy tone, "something bad is going to happen..."_

_**I don't wanna waste another day**_

_**Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes**_

_Zan hooked a finger under her chin and looked her straight in the eye._

"_Ya don' need ta worry about me," He said softly, "nothin' gonna happen."_

She sighed and walked further into the room, sitting down in the same spot that Zan had.

"_But they are going to do something, Zan..."_

_Zan pressed a finger to her lips gently._

"_I'll take care of it when it happens, beautiful."_

_**Cause I want you,**_

_**And I feel you,**_

_**Crawling underneath my skin**_

She stared at the spot where she had sat.

"_But, Zan..."_

"_Hush, beautiful..."_

She shook her head and sighed.

"I love you, Zan," She whispered, the words she had been unable to say, too petrified to say, then.

"_If Rath and Lonnie do somethin'," He made her look at him, "I want ya ta run, Beautiful. Go to Roswell."_

_Her brows furrowed. Why would he send her there?_

"_Why?"_

"Why, Zan?" She repeated softly, wondering about his words once more.

_**Like a hunger,**_

_**Like a burning,**_

_Zan brushed a thumb over her plump lower lip._

"_You'll be safe there," He whispered._

_She snorted and rolled her violet eyes. Zan chuckled, brushing his thumb over her lip again before letting his hand drop to his lap. She closed her eyes for a quick second, then looked up at Zan. His bright amber eyes looked like a dark whiskey, his hands were shaking and his breathing was ragged._

"Why, Zan?" She said again, sighing before she added, "why did you have to leave me?"

_**To find a place I've never been**_

She cocked her head and concentrated. And with the flick of a wrist, the motley luggage that Zan had got her over the years had appeared. She brought a shiny black 'leather' pack to her with just a thought and stared at it. Zan had put things in it the night before and something told her that he knew they were going to kill him.

"You knew," She whispered, "you knew they were going to kill you..."

She threw on the pack, her belongings shrinking and flying into the backpacks and duffles. The things that broke that were hers reassembled themselves and appeared into the packs. When the packs and duffle bags were done filling themselves, they shrunk to the size of Barbie luggage and she stuffed them into the pockets of her cargo pants. She looked into the mirror that Lonnie had set up in the 'living room'. It was obvious that she had been crying, silver tear tracks down her already pale skin. Her bright as fresh blood hair was up in immaculately curled pigtails with even bangs, two lone and straight tendrils hanging down on other side of them. Her violet eyes were jaded and distant. In one dark brow was a little barbell, a tiny star charm hanging from it.

"Look at me now, Zan..." She whispered.

_**Now I'm broken,**_

_**And I'm faded,**_

She just stared at herself in the mirror. She was standing there, holding a brown leather pack in her hand, ready to pack Zan's belongings and leave. To go to Roswell like he wanted her too. She wore a beautiful white prom dress, strapless and corseted. She wore puffy snowball like earrings in her earlobes, with two sets of genie earrings: gold and silver, in her upper ears. She wore a white seashell heart shaped hair pin in either pigtails, white ballerina heels with gold heels and straps, white buddhist monk prayer beads on either wrist, a medium sized ruby heart on a silver chain around her neck along with a crimson ribbon choker that Zan had bought her for her birthday, a rose tattoo that coiled around her wrist, a little white bunny tattoo on the back of her neck that Zan had put there himself... She shook her head and sighed, walking into Zan's room.

_**I'm half the man I thought I would be:**_

_**But you can have what's left of me**_

_Zan laid her down on his bed, crawling up it like a great big cat._

"_Zan..." She chuckled._

_Zan smirked at her, looking like the proverbial cat that caught the canary...or was about to._

"_What?" He asked, nuzzling into her neck, breathing in the sweet scent of sugar and cherry blossoms._

She chuckled, remembering how it tickled when his nose brushed against her neck, feeling his warm breath on her neck.

_**I've been dying inside,**_

_**Little by little,**_

_**No where to go,**_

_Zan chuckled against the warm and pale skin of her neck, blowing lightly against it, making her shiver and whimper._

"_Zan..." She whined._

_He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, his amber eyes just this side of smug. She pinched him lightly, making the man chuckle. She lifted her other hand and brushed a stray lock of hair out of Zan's eyes, tucking it behind his ear._

"Gods, you were a tease, Zan," She chuckled, packing Zan's belongings much like she did her own.

_**But going out of my mind**_

_**In endless circles,**_

She sat on Zan's bed and laid back on it for a moment. The bed would be the last thing she packed. Since hers was already packed, I mean.

"_Beautiful..." Zan whispered._

_She rolled her eyes. She never could see herself how Zan saw her. Rath saw her as just another bitch walking around and Lonnie saw her, almost, as competition. And Ava...she adored Ava, but Ava was a coward, too afraid of Rath and Lonnie to stick up for herself. The funny thing is that she's Ava's sister. She was the only clone of her past self. They didn't make another._

"_You are delusional, Zan," She chuckled._

_Zan glared at her half-heartedly, sighing heavily before he pressed his forehead against hers._

"_Why can't you see it like I do?"_

_**Running from my self until,**_

_**You gave me a reason for standing still**_

_She sighed heavily._

"_I don't see it like you do, cause I'm not meant to be..."_

_Zan pinched her side and glared at her._

"_Never say that," He whispered, "you are. Don't think I forgot. You were the only one who believed him, that protected him. Died for him. Not even his own wife would do what you did."_

_She tried to look away but Zan caught her chin in a gentle hold._

"_You loved me then," He whispered to her, "and I know you still do..."_

_**Cause I want you**_

He was right. She remembered all of their past lives, even the things they didn't. She did love him then and she still did, even now. It was not something she was ever going to let go. She would never stop loving Zan, even when she would die.

"Of course, I do," She whispered, wishing she had told him.

Though she had a feeling that he saw it in her eyes. The love for him, the need to touch him even just a little, the want to... She sighed heavily and looked up. The final of his belongings, the bunny that inspired the tattoo on her neck, floating in mid air. She snatched it up and held it close, kissing it's worn ears.

_**And I feel you**_

She stood in the doorway of Zan's room, after having packed his bed, and sighed heavily.

"I love you, Zan," She said aloud to the empty room.

When she closed her eyes, she could have sworn that she felt Zan's muscled arms wrapping around her waist. She opened her eyes and looked around, but nobody but her and Mr Tib the bunny was there. She turned from the room and walked out, letting the door close behind her. Then she could have sworn that she heard Zan's voice whisper...

"I love you too..."

_**Crawling underneath my skin**_

"_Zan..." She sighed softly._

_Zan was braced on his arms above her, his shaggy hair falling to curtain his face. She could have sworn that he looked angelic, but Zan was far from it. But that's what he was to her, her fallen angel. She closed her eyes, her breathing just a little ragged. She felt Zan's hair against her skin as he leaned down, the silky locks drifting over her pale skin, making it tingle._

_**Like a hunger**_

_She let out a gasp when she felt Zan's lips touch the swell of her breast over her heart, a tingling sensation of power left in it's wake. She opened her eyes just a bit, glaring at him playfully._

"_What did you do, Zan?"_

_Zan stroked the spot softly, making her whimper._

"_So you know that I'll never leave you..."_

_She groaned softly, blissfully unaware than Zan was looming over her. She didn't know until she felt Zan's soft lips brushing over hers._

_**Crawling underneath my skin**_

"_Zan..." She whispered against his lips._

"_My beautiful little Moon," He whispered back._

_Moon whimpered against his lips again, Zan kissing her deeply before reluctantly pulling away. Zan looked at Moon and smiled. Her bright red hair was fanned around her like a bloody halo. And her light violet eyes had darkened to a deep purple._

_**Like a hunger**_

Moon chuckled, then sighed, leaving the train station with her pack on her back and Zan's on her shoulder. She knew that Rath and Lonnie would be out real late, celebrating probably, and that Ava would stay away for a while. She sat in the back of the bus to the airport to Seattle. She wanted to stop there to see an old friend of Zan's before she went to Roswell.

"_Do you know how long I've wanted you?" Zan whispered in her ear._

Moon stared at her notebook, whispering her response like she was reading some script.

"No...I don't..."

"_I've always wanted you," He whispered, his warm breath blowing against the shell of her ear, "when we came out of the pods...I knew you were mine. That you would be mine..."_

"Zan..."

_**Like a burning**_

She could almost feel Zan pressing his lips against the shell of her ear.

"What about Ava?"

"_What about her?" Zan snorted, the little bit of air tickling Moon's skin._

"_You two are supposed to be..."_

_Zan pressed a finger to her lips._

"_Just because Ava and I were something in our past," He whispered to her, "does not mean we will ever be anything again."_

_Zan brushed his lips faintly over Moon's, kissing her deeply when she gasped into his mouth._

_**To find a place I've never been**_

"_Zan..." Moon whimpered, Zan's lips now attached to her neck._

_Zan hummed against her neck, one hand rooted in her hair, the bright locks like silk through his fingers, making every bit of the skin of his hand tingle. Zan let his hand slide out of her hair when he felt her bury her hands into his._

"_Beautiful Moon," Zan whispered, staring into her eyes._

_He groaned, his eyes rolling when her long crimson nails gently ran over his scalp. Moon smiled, her plump lips pulled into a smirk. Her boy liked his hair played with, his scalp also sensitive. She ran her nails over his scalp again, making the man above her shiver._

_**But now I'm broken,**_

_**and I'm faded**_

Moon sighed softly, staring at the page, the memory writing itself out on the paper, filling the notebook with Moon's last moment alone with Zan.

"_You like that, don't you?" She said softly._

_They heard a thump and dual curses. The drunken duo was home. Thank god that Zan locked the damn door._

"_Yes," Zan groaned._

_If Moon hadn't of known better, she would have sworn that Zan was whimpering. She took in the image he made, trembling above her. He only trembled like that when he was restraining himself._

"Why did you leave..." She whispered softly.

_**I'm half the man I thought I would be:**_

_**but you can have what's left of me**_

_Zan braced himself on his elbows, staring into Moon's wide violet eyes. Her legs squeezed around his hips and she whimpered softly. Zan leaned forward and kissed Moon's forehead, rocking against her gently, earning a shaky breath from her._

"Silly, silly man..."

_**It's falling faster**_

_**Barely breathing**_

_**Give me something**_

_**To believe in**_

_**Tell me: It's not all in my head**_

Moon walked into Jam Pony and up to the desk.

"And what do you need, missy?" asked a man wearing a headset.

"I'm looking for a kid named Sketchy," Moon rolled her eyes, "my boy Zan was a friend of his."

Normal saw Sketchy coming down the stair.

"That's the degenerate you're looking for," He told her, shooing her away.

Moon rolled her eyes and called him an ass. Sketchy looked at Moon for a moment before smiling.

"Moon, my goddess, it is good to see you!" Sketchy smiled.

Moon rolled her eyes and shook her head. She had changed before going to Jam Pony, thank god. Her hair was still the same, but her white clothes were different. She was wearing a strapless corset and a pair of short shorts, with Zan's black duster.

"Sketch, my boy," Moon smiled.

Moon hugged Sketchy, letting him spin her around.

_**Take what's left**_

_**Of this man**_

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, Moon, my goddess, but why are you here?" Sketchy asked.

Moon bit her lip, then sighed softly.

"Rath and Lonnie killed Zan, Sketch," She told him.

Sketchy's eyes went wide when he looked at her.

"He sent you here?"

She shook her head.

"I wanted to stop here before going to Roswell," She confessed, "might stay a while too."

Sketchy tapped his chin in thought.

"Gotta get you a place," He said aloud, knowing she was listening, "furnishings..."

"Got the furnishings taken care of, Sketch," She held up the two packs, "keys to storage. And don't ask about help moving, I'm a big girl."

Alec leered at her.

"You sure are."

_**Make me whole**_

_**Once again**_

Moon closed her eyes, letting out a low growl, grabbing Alec by the throat.

"Talk to me like that ever again," She hissed at him, not looking at him, "and I will introduce you to the business end of Zan..." She released Alec, then looked at Sketchy, "okay...that just sounded dirty..."

Sketchy snickered, Herbal, Original Cindy and Max joining him.

"Yeah, boo," OC chuckled, "it did."

_**Cause I want you,**_

_**And I feel you**_

Moon looked around the new apartment. It was a four bedroom apartment in Logan's building...on his floor, actually. She had her belongings set up in one as a sort of play room, but she slept in the room that she put Zan's stuff in. Alec had quickly befriended her after he found out that she was grieving for Zan, which is why she didn't take his come on very well. And Moon wasn't surprised at all to find out that he and Max were X5's, not when she was the one who told them she knew. One of Rath and Lonnie's conquests was an X5, actually...poor girl. She sat back on the bed and thought back to that last moment. To what she had put aside on the plane.

_**Crawling underneath my skin**_

"_Zan..." She whimpered, her hips rocking up into his._

_Zan leaned down, kissing her softly, still rocking his hips into hers. Her ankles were locked just under Zan's ass, her heels digging into the back of his thighs every once and a while._

"_Beautiful Moon..." He whispered, pushing up on to his hands, bracing his weight on them._

_Moon lifted her hands, lightly raking her nails down his chest, tweaking his nipples on the way down from his shoulders. This earned her a sharp, and deep, thrust from Zan, making Moon bite her lip to keep from crying out._

"_Let it out, Beautiful Moon," He groaned out._

"_But what about..."_

_Zan gave another sharp thrust, hitting that oh-so-right spot, and Moon let out a low keening moan._

_**Like a hunger**_

_**Like a burning**_

_Zan sat up, pulling Moon with him, not pulling himself from her as he turned to sit back against the headboard._

"_Hold on to it, Beautiful Moon," He told her._

_Moon reached up shakily, gripping the headboard on either side of Zan's head, the skin of her knuckles turning white._

"_Beautiful, beautiful Moon..." He whispered._

_He leaned his head forward and latched on to her mouth, gripping her hips and surprised her completely by pounding into her. It would be almost impossible to say that her grip on the headboard tightened, but you would definitely see a score on the wood later._ Moon chuckled and looked at her darkened prints on the headboard. _He brought her up slowly, bringing her down hard. And from outside Zan's room, Rath and Lonnie heard the bed creaking, bodies slapping, Moon's keening moans and occasional whimper of Zan's name._

_**To find a place I've never been**_

"_Zan!" Moon moaned, uncaring of Rath and Lonnie now, "oh..god...yes..."_

_Zan's fingers flexed on the flesh of her hips, bringing her up and down faster and harder, rushing them both toward release. With one final hard thrust up into her, both Zan and Moon practically screamed their release._

"_Mine..." He growled._

Moon sat up when she heard the phone ring. She checked the caller id and it was Original Cindy.

"Yo."

"Hey, Boo."

"What's up, Cin?"

"Was wonderin' if you'd let us in? Wanna see your place, Boo."

Moon chuckled, gave the scoring on the headboard a fond pat, before hauling her lazy ass off the bed.

"I was daydreaming when you called."

"What about, Boo?"

Moon sighed.

_**Now I'm broken**_

_**And I'm faded**_

She ran a hand through her hair, which she had finally took out of it's pigtails.

"Zan."

"What about him, Boo? What were you doing?"

"Saying goodbye..."

_**I'm half the man I thought I would be:**_

_**But you can have what's left of me**_

Original Cindy chuckled.

"Let me guess, Boo, he put you through the headboard."

Moon snorted as she walked through the apartment, toward the front door.

"Actually, I was gripping the headboard so tight that it left a mark."

There were multiple chuckles.

"Yuck it up, boys, that's all you're going to hear."

Original Cindy shook her head.

"Was he an X5?"

"Fuck no. Nothing against 'em, but they just ain't my thing."

_**I've been dying inside you see**_

_**I'm going out of my mind**_

"Like the fuck-stain that killed him used to say 'Alien sex: accept no imitations'."

"Your boo was an alien?"

"Yup."

"Shit."

"Oh yeah..."

Moon opened the door and let them in, closing the cell in the meantime. Original Cindy closed hers and hugged Moon hello.

_**Out of my mind**_

_**I'm just running in circles all the time**_

"Let me get this straight," Original Cindy said from her spot on the couch, after Moon had told them everything, "Wiggy here was best friends with an Alien, who put you, lickety boo that you are, into next week the day before he died?"

Moon nodded.

"The mark is still on the headboard if you want proof. I kinda scorched it..."

Sketchy's eyes went wide.

"My Moon, my goddess is a..."

"Alien from outer space?"

He nodded and Moon chuckled, following that up with an affirming nod. She held her hand out to Herbal.

"Hand me that cd there," She told him, "Lonnie, Rath's bitch, could do this, bet her Dupe can too," she took the cd and it picked up where it had left off before.

_**Will you take what's left**_

_**Will you take what's left**_

_**Will you take what's left of me?**_

_**Just running in circles in my mind**_

_**Will you take what's left**_

_**Will you take what's left**_

_**Will you take what's left of me?**_

The others looked at Moon in shock. Max smiled.

"The man that was sent with both sets and me," She growled at the thought of Nasedo, "was a friend of the Familiars. Nasedo is the inspiration that Sandeman needed to start Manticore. To fight Khivar when it came down to it. The raw power and brute force that Khivar's army lacked."


End file.
